NOT SO Frequently Asked Question

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One beautiful spring day, my senior year of high school, my Dad came to pick me up from work. I thought it was odd. He rarely if ever did that. 

He had learned of a foolish decision I had made. His words to me cut to the morrow.  He told me “sis, I really had high hopes for you to make different choices. I always felt that you would be a responsible thinker and obedient”. 

I felt that interior pain of the solar plexus that happens when severe hurt emotionally comes at us. First of all, I had no idea that he felt that way. He had never expressed it to me. My father always tried to be fair with all of us. And then to disappoint my Dad and hero in heart…

It is so also with our Heavenly Father. How many times has He told us that he had high hopes, different expectations of our decision-making. And yet like my own father, God embraces His children and says after a loving hug, go and sin no more.

I have been battling with AUTHENTIC CONTRITION and thus doing a deep dive on what true contrition is. I guess you could say it is about the deep pain emotionally in the solar plexus of disappointing another, or God. And then crying out, "forgive me, Father, for I have sinned!”

I reflect a lot on the sacrament of reconciliation. I have confessed that perhaps I have used it as a get out of jail free card. Please read the link attached. It is a beautiful understanding of true, real, heartfelt, contrition.

I thought it was a little hard to read, very accurate! Yet a good and holy guide to discovery of what God really wants for us and of us. Contrition truly comes from the love of humility and closeness with God.

The world has become a very hard place. We surround ourselves with protection in order to avoid that agonizing pain in the solar plexus, yet God meets us there and lovingly asks us if we need anything.

In fact on September 13, 2000 when I cried out to God, “forgive me for being so afraid”... I had received a breast cancer diagnosis the night before. I truly believe that I was cured of that entire affliction because of the true contrition that I laid out before our good God. 

Although, I went through with the harsh chemotherapy and radiation treatment.  You  could say a penance of sorts...During the first treatment, my husband said to me, "aren’t you afraid," I told him, "it is what it is". I keep my chemo head covering close by to remind me that it is what God says it is.

True contrition is that look into your father’s eyes, feeling that utter pain and saying with your head down, I have sinned against you! It is accepting His love and mercy to go forth and attempt the amendment of your ways… you cannot do it without Him!

https://catholicharboroffaithandmorals.com/Contrition.html

Grant to me, O Lord, that wisdom which stands beside Thy throne, that I may know how to judge Thy people with justice, and Thy poor ones with equity. Let me so use the keys of the Kingdom of heaven that I may open to no one upon whom they should shut, nor close them to any for whom they should open. May my intention be pure, my zeal sincere, my charity patient, my labor fruitful. Let me be gentle without weakness, severe without harshness. Let me not disdain the poor; nor fawn upon the rich. Make me kind that I may attract sinners, prudent in questioning them, adroit in directing them. Grant, I beseech Thee, skill to lead them back from sin, zeal in confirming them in good, diligence in elevating them to better things. Grant me good judgment in answering questions, correctness in counseling. Give me light when things are obscure, wisdom when they are entangled, victory when they are difficult. May I myself be not lost. Amen.

We would add, "please grant me the grace of Holy Amnesia…"  We have read that the grace of Holy Amnesia is conferred upon Priests at their Ordination. We pray this is very true.  Yet, we all need the grace of Holy Amnesia. It is difficult living a Christian life and not accumulating long list of grievances. They pile up without realizing it and affect our thoughts, words and actions. 

Childhood trauma can exacerbate these powerful oppressions.

Pray for the beautiful grace of Holy Amnesia after every, impure exposure or scandal. After every harsh word spoken at you and finally over your entire life…who has not struggled with past sin over and over again? 

"Lord, I pray with a contrite heart for your Holy Spirit bless my mind and Heart with the Grace of Holy Amnesia"